Monday, May 24, 2010

SSAT Breakdown and What I'm Going To Do

One of my goals in life is to challenge myself more than usual. From actually doing my chores correctly to one of the biggest 'tries' in my life: Applying to Chatham Hall. Everything else has been going smoothly with this operation but I also have to take a SSAT for it. This is NOT going smoothly. I've got a SSAT study guide but that's only freaking me out.

You see, I've always been a little behind in math. It hasn't been my strongest subject--but lately I have been pushing on and working on being better at my math. May I just say this is a really hard challenge for a girl like me. Over the year I've started to actually like math! Once you get the hang of it--i'ts not that bad. But then again, I'm in ninth grade and I'm still in Pre- Algebra. It would be the understatement of the year if I said knowing that makes me a little upset. It frustrates me and that's the truth. I won't lie--sometimes I want to give up. I want to say "Forget Chatham Hall--not like I'm going anyway. We don't have 40k! Heck, I bet Finical Aid doesn't even have 40k! Anyway, I'm going to totally flunk this SSAT."

In fact, I bet I say that at least once or twice a day to myself but here I am still chugging a long. Why? Because I am not going to give up. I've given up on so many things, my negative side has always won the best of me. Now though--I might not be positive about it but I'm sure going to keep on pushing through. Nothing is going to stop me from trying.

I think what happens to all of us is that we only see the brick wall standing in our way and not the door in it. You get what I mean? We tend to see the things stopping us from actually getting somewhere and we make them grow big, looming to the eye. But we forget about that small door that's been sitting there the whole time silently encouraging you to keep on trying to get to the other side. Even though you might not always get there it's okay--you can try as hard as you can. When I say that I don't mean lazily work away at it then say 'It tired as hard as I can!!" Really try and try and try! Excuse all this cheesiness but when you fall back down get back up again. It might take a while to get back up but you can still do it. Take a few 'risk' in your life. No, don't go jumping off a side of a bridge with nothing to catch you ( leave that to me) but don't be afraid to work in the unknown!!! That's what I'm trying to do. And when you do, every 'odd' that seem to loom over you start to shrink to where your not afraid to try! Your not afraid to keep on working, inching out of your well-know comfort zone into the unknown world.

That, once again, is part of what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be braver with everything so that one day I can freely and truly stand for Christ! I may not do the best but at least I'm trying--trying to work hard.

With this whole SSAT thing, I know I'm going to worry--right now I have the unavoidable pit in my stomach but I will do this. I'll work hard and try my best. I won't doubt myself, I'll only accept the challenge. I'll try not to complain but if I do--forgive me.   

So, I'm highly aware that I kind of skipped from one place to another and that I kind of ended this thing in a really strange patchy way but that's okay. I got kitty litter to clean and a SSAT to study for! Please, please, please pray for me my friends! I hope that I can at least get somewhere in this whole thing. May God bless me with wisdom!!!

I hope I can post sometime soon about somethings in this world that are bothering me. Really bothering me. And I know some people out there are going to scream 'sexist' or get all offended but I don't care. I think I'll call it "Brush Them Off" or something like that.

Hum, maybe I could call it: "It starts early".  Whatever, I'll get to that when I have the free time. SSAT calls! *Eek* 



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