New day, new dawn. Always.

I know I get dramatic and depressed sometimes. And I know that can be annoying. But I also know that I'm still fighting to be better--to be who God wants me to be. It's a constant battle between myself, the Devil, the world and God. Luckily, I know, God will prevail and in his arms I will rest.

I'm not giving up hope that God has great plans for me. Even if it is growing up to only be a stay-at-home mom, I'll do it. Sure, I'll throw a fit so loud everyone in Asia can hear it but I'll evidently do it. Even if that means being a lousy dancer, artist, writer, ect. I'll live with it. Once again, I'll throw the biggest hissy fit know to the world but like I said...I'll do it, won't I?

Sad how as God's creations we tend to forget who made us. The Bible says that God will never leave our sides for he made us! He formed us with his own hands. Yet we doubt those hands powers. We doubt their skill. Kind of--stupid--right? Of course because it's human nature to be stupid!

It always takes me a while to realize when I'm being totally stupid and when I do I'm really embarrassed. If people could see my blushing easily [plus to darker skin!] then I'd be red all the time!

Anyway, I just want the world to know that I know I'm a little drama queen at times but that's just something I can improve on right? I mean, if there was no room for improvement then why would we need God? We still would but we wouldn't realize we did.

I love all the people who read my blog---and those who don't. I love how you guys deal with my bad post and my worse grammar. I love how you guys act like you love me, even when I don't think I'm worth anything.

Mainly, I love God for every single thing he does. Everything.
Because, really, where would I be without him?

I pray for all my friends who are/have gone/going/about to go through rough times. I know, trust me, that it feels like no one has it as bad as you. But remember, all those feelings we have about being rejected or hurt, Christ felt from childhood to his death on the cross. Amazing right? And never once did he sin. Never.

Therefore, pray for me and I will pray for you. Pray for those you know and those you don't know. There is never a prayer that goes unheard. God makes sure of this.

And before I leave [well, you know what I mean.] I want you to think of the one thing that is hurting you the most at the moment and ask God to take it. Just do it even if you don't believe it will help. Because often the things we don't believe in are the truth.

Love y'all!
Lia

Lia

Anger, Fear, Rage,...me.

I grow angry with myself sometimes. I lash out at myself because I can't seem to do something. Or I get my hopes high then I dash them out myself. Then I grow afraid. Afraid that I can't do anything. That--that I'm useless. Completely useless. Finally, I become enraged. I'm mad at God, me and the whole world. I want out and I want out now. That's how it goes.It's a cycle, a dangerous, vicious cycle that seems to never go. Never. I ask God: why me? What did I do to deserve someone like me? I ask him why doesn't he help me with me. WHy doesn't he send some blessings and rid me of me?

So basically, I don't know what to do with me.

Yeah, I know, I sound all depressing but the truth is I'll be over it for the most part by tomorrow morning. And that's what kills me the most. 

Am I really just being some dramatic, hormonal teenage girl or is it more? I don't know. That bugs me. A lot. Really, how down in the dumps can a girl get? How messed up can she be before it's something else? I want to know.

I can't help, sometimes, that me hates me. I torture myself. Non-stop. Why? Anyone want to tell me why? Anyone KNOW why? I'm sorry, I know you all have to listen to me rant and rave about me being so sucky and you roll your eyes because it gets annoying. Trust me, I know! I'm doing the same thing and I wish for it to STOP.

Hey, I might not even post this. Most likely won't--because I'm afraid. I'm always afraid. Always. I think that's what has put me in this state. I'm constantly afraid. Of everything. All the time.

Does anyone else feel like this? Feel---I don't know. Feel like I do right now? Like I do all the time. Like just laying on the floor till God decides to take you? Till you become dust on the floor?

I do. And I want it to stop. Now.

How?

I have no clue.

Welcome to my world. Have fun. And don't hurt yourself.

LIA

School + Life = Insane?

Next week we have....


EXAMS.

Those dreaded things. Those things that make your stomach churn and mind spin. Or at least that's what they do to me. Sadly. So, I have an Econ. Exam, a Sci. Exam and my Shakespeare project is due. I shouldn't be scared should I? Oh, but I am because that is MY NATURE.

No matter what I freak myself out about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. It's annoying to me yet I still do it. Lia hates Lia. Does anyone else do that though? Over-blow everything? What I usually do is freak out so bad that I try to be prepared but only drown myself in my preparedness therefore I mess up. Yeah, vicious circle.

Anyway, drivers ed is--okay. I swear if I see ONE more video about drunk driving I will personally sign my self up for rehab with out having a drop of alcohol once in my life. [Okay, once when my mom let me try wine. Ew.] I swear I will.

I'm sure they're trying to press the subject for good reason, in fact I know they are...but COME ON. Every single time so far we've talked about drug abuse, signs and how to kill yourself in a car. Sounds fun?

Plus side is that I get to see a lot of people I know and haven't seen in a while. Like Bethany and Matthew. So, yeah. And I've kind of made a new friend who's name is Emily. We talk and sit together. She's homeschooled, loves dance, loves art and is sweet! Plus--she's ANOTHER Emily!

Oh, I guess I should explain that. So my brother Aaron married an Emily about seven years ago. My brother Jordan married a Emily this past January. My brother Sam is dating a girl by the name of Esther---and her older sister is named Emily. And get this---all of them are Emily Ann's. Crazy, right?

Well, I got to go. Bible study!! [Well, hanging out with friends for me. Haha!]

Bye.
Lia

Love Songs

'Going back to the corner,

where I first saw you,

gonna camp in my sleeping bag and not gonna move.' 

There is rarely a love song that can make me feel all warm and fuzzy in side. [That's because I'm COLD HEARTED! Badah-bum! You didn't get that---did you?] 

Anyway, I decided to make a list of love songs that DO actually make me feel all warm and fuzzy. [Above our some of the lyrics to 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' by The Script.]

#1- Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Video for Your Guardian Angel

#2-The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script 

Video for The Man Who Can't Be Moved

#3- Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillet

Video to Lucky

#4- Rhythm of Love by Plain White T's

Video to Rhythm of Love

That's all I can think of right now but I'm sure theres more. I noticed the theme that they are really all the same genre. Not sure what the genre is called but...you know. Hahha!

Lia.

Love, Love, Love.

What is love? Why do we all want it? Why do we all need it?
Huh, I'm not really sure.

Everywhere I go, everything I see, everyone I know is obsessed with love. They might not know it but they are. I know I am. The whole world has been obsessed with love since day one.

Agape Love...Unconditional
Philios Love...Friendship

Eros Love...Romantic.


Everyone experiences the Philios Love [I think I got all the names right.] From One to a Hundred we do. It's a fact of life. But what does everyone long for? Agape Love--but we think we long for Eros Love. Why? Well we see it, want in and think we need it. Eros love only comes from humans. We can see humans and can feel them. We can only get Agape Love from Christ. But what if we don't believe in him or think he cares? We go after the Agape Love.

To tell you the truth I'm afraid of Eros Love. I sometimes find myself saying I don't believe in it which means I don't believe in Agape Love.

I guess my parents fallen marriage has to do with it but there's so much more than that.Everything I see---around me. I just don't get it sometimes. I'm sure most people don't.

Love. It's such a funny word. So pure, yet so distorted.

I guess I just want to know what it really is. What is love? Who is love? I know the Good-Christian child answers and I know their true. But I've never seen it. Anywhere.

The worlds a funny place.

Well this Blogger has sucked at Blogging.

Hey there guys!
 I know, I know, I haven't posted in--days, weeks maybe even a month almost. So, I'm sorry. I've been terribly bad.

How will I make up this hideous crime? Well, I'm not so sure but I will show you some of my NaNoWriMo. Would you like that? I hope so. But before I bless you with some of my most ah-maze-innng writing [snort] I'll give you a fun little fact about me.

I tilt my head while writing on paper and on the computer. I seriously turn it all the way to the side. I don't know why but I just do. I have a friend who sticks her tongue in her cheek all the time. So I guess I'm not alone. So here's what I want you to do: comment one thing YOU do that's really strange. It can be something you do while you work or when you're daydreaming...it really doesn't matter. Just tell me!

Now to my NaNoWriMo.

Oh! Wait! Never mind. I also got some news for you guys!!! I STARTED DRIVERS ED! Whoot Whoot! I'm pretty dang excited. I mean, I'll be driving soon enough. Wow, I remember the days that I thought I had years to wait, you know? I guess life is flying by. Does that mean I have to actually, I don't know, mature now? Sigh. I hope I do. I'm trying to. Maybe I shouldn't force it. ANYway. Another comment opportunity: What something you miss about being younger?
Mine? Playing. All. The. Time.
I mean, I use to be able to play an Imaginary (as my friends and I use to call it.)  game any time I wanted too. It wasn't hard to do. I mean, I was a killer actor back then! [Hahaha] What happened? Sometimes it makes me wish I was still six, but instead I'm heading on to be sixteen. Life, where did you go?

So, NOW onto NaNoWriMo. Hum?

Okay, here's part of the first chapter. Enjoy.
 [Don't mind grammar, as usual.]

"She leaned back into the capsized belly of the stand. A small, gloomy sigh escaped her lips. She loved her job; it was all she knew but she was yearning for something new. Something other than the daily routine she had settled into or the simple missions she was assigned. No matter what Theo said she didn’t understand why she wasn’t in The Prophets house. After all, it was where she belonged. The House, the current house she lived in, was full of idiots who didn’t know a kick from a punch, a sword from a shield and a real assassin from a bumbling fool.

            Andorea was an assassin. One of the best. Theo saw that, she saw that, but she was still stuck in a house full of first-timers and idiots."

Yeah, that's all YOU get to read. Keep you on your toes. [Or it might be that I'm ashamed of how bad the rest of the writing is. Hahaha!]

So, love you guys! Keep on reading [IF anyone is...] and have fun!

LIA

Who's Strong? I'm strong.

A topic fought over for years and years, from young to old. Girls are weak and boys are strong.

            Well, before I start I want to tell you I’m looking at this from a logical view. If my logic seems faulty tell me. Okay?

            So, have you ever heard someone say to you or one of your friends, “You can’t do this because you’re a girl, you’re too weak.” Or something along those lines. I have but not in a long time. Just in 1^st grade where that’s pretty common.

            I won’t deny the fact that woman and men have different body builds and that, unfortunately, a woman’s build doesn’t make it possible for her to be as physically strong as a man could. BUT does that mean a girl can’t be strong.

            No.

            It’s a classic misdirection that aggravates me. Hey, I know, there will always be a stronger man for the strongest woman but once again, this doesn’t mean a woman can’t be strong!

            So, we’ve already established that men are always going to be able to reach a higher level of strength but a woman can still reach a certain level of it. Now, I might realize this but there’s something that has happened to damage this insight in most people. I don’t know what caused it but it did happen. Here is what I believe is going on here.

            Remember learning about slaves in America and all the horrors there? Well one thing I clearly remember reading and hearing about is that they wouldn’t educate the slaves. In fact…it was a crime. Slaves became know as dumb beast. Speech slow, couldn’t write, read, so on and so forth. Why do you think that is? That’s like throwing someone into a NFL football game, with no training, and expect him to win the game and when he doesn’t he a really bad football player. See what I’m saying here? So let’s apply what I’m talking about to the topic.

            Girls are weak, boys are strong.

            Now and days we’ve put our guys in a strange predicament. They have to be tough, fit, muscle-ly. How do you reach that? You do something makes you sweaty, stink and you could possibly get hurt in. What does this include? Mostly sports like football, basketball, and wrestling. I’ve noticed if there’s a guy who prefers, I don’t know, dance maybe then he’s a sissy. He’s not tough. He does a girly thing. True, dance is dominated by girls—in the ballet area. Anyway, so this dancing boy is just a major sissy. Maybe he’s gay! All because he’s doing dance.  So what do our boys go through? They have to be macho man.

            Now to the girls. What are they expected to be? Weaker? No, they aren’t. There’s nothing to be expected from them when it comes to being strong or weak. So is a girl going to work out unless it fits into what she likes to do? No, not really. Is she pressured to be tough? No, not really? So why do people think girls are so weak again? Remember, we all secretly know strong girls won’t always be as tough as strong guys, right? Well, then why expect a girl to be tough in anyway? I think we’ve slowly sunk in to this idea that, hey, girls are weak anyway; why try and get them fit? It’s also has to do with the fact girls have gentler spirits. (You know what I mean.)

            While a guy might find tackling people fun girls might find arabesque fun! They both build muscle though! They both make whoever’s doing them work out. So watching someone try and bring another person looks tougher, this I know, but does it make them tougher? Not really.

            One of my friends little brothers had the mindset (this was a while ago. He’s no longer like this.) that since he took football that made him so strong. Not saying he wasn’t, not at all. But there was also the idea that us girls who took dance weren’t because, well, dance wasn’t challenging. I laugh at the guys I know who are older than this boy and still think this. (I won’t go on this rant…)

            Here I conclude that what has happened is guys are told “Be tough!” and girls are a simple shrug and “Do whatever you want kid.” Since there is no pressure on the girls who aren’t sporty and such to be fit in anyway there aren’t many girls who can—well do a push up. (Not saying I can. I’m working on changing that though.)

            So what do you expects going to happen when your girl is in a situation were she has to defend herself? Is she going to do a good job? Mot likely not. Why? She’s never been asked to show strength.

            I’m not saying every girls should be buff! Not at all. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t pressure our guys to be fit and not expect a bit out of the girls! Also I’m not talking about ‘equality’ because I do know guys and girls a different. God made it that way for a reason. But he didn’t say “Girls are weak and boys are strong!” In fact he said different when he made us. He made it so girls can be a type of strong while guys can be a type of strong.

            Girls are strong and boys are strong. In different ways.

            I have more ‘boy/girl’ rants coming up. I have a feeling this one made no sense and that I gave off the wrong idea but at least I vented some what.

            By the way, to all the guys who think dancing is for sissies, I’d like them to look up pictures of dancers and just look at their muscles. Yeah. They’re sissies for sure.

LIA