Sunday, August 21, 2011

If You Have A Psychopathic Cat...

This what you should know.

#1- Never go to sleep wearing anything that does not cover you from head to toe.

Many psychopathic cat owners don't realize that at night they are most vulnerable. To their homicidal and crazy cat, this is the time to put into action the plan they were stringing together all day while tearing up your carpet.

If you wear anything that exposes your legs, prepare to wake up with legs that look they were attacked with a cheese grater.

If you tend to leave your feet dangling off the edge of the bed, prepare to have no foot in the morning.

If, you perhaps, move in your sleep, prepare to be pounced on every time you do.

Finally, if you don't wake up before 4:00 AM, prepare to be meowed at till you get up and feed your cat.

#2- Never walk through the house barefoot.

Psychopathic cats get bored very easily, but when it comes to attacking something, well, that never gets old. Your psycho cat will most likely be lurking behind some corner or under the couch, ready to pounce on your nude and unprotected feet. Beware, it's painful.

This is also dangerous to your insane cat. Once pounced on, your reaction will be to squeal then kick, hard, and send your cat flying. This may result in injuries to your cat.

#3- Never leave food out. Ever.
Psychopathic cats have the ability to tell when food is out and open from any point in the house. When they do, they make an easy plan to eat said food. And, usually, their plan is executed perfectly.

Also, if they happen to 'cat beg' for food, don't give in to those great big, beautiful eyes. As soon as you give in and offer them a piece, they'll give it a few quick licks then abandon it, because they're 'too good'.

And, finally...
#4- Never leave anything out that you don't want a cat on.

If you leave your favorite shirt out, don't be surprised when you find it covered in white/black/orange hair within the hour. Your cat will lay on anything you remotely care about just to tick you off.

I hope my rules have helped you and will save you from much grief.
Thank You,
A Fellow Psychopathic Cat Owner

With Much Love,


  1. Hahahahahahaha!

    It's why I've kept more dogs than cats!

    But I love them equally..

  2. Oh, I have at least one of everything. lol I have three dogs, four dogs and an assortment of other animals. xD


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